Getting Rid of Traffic

Step 1. Get Missile balloons.
Setp 2. Tie balloons to vehicle.
Step 3. Drive like a bat out of hell.
Step 4. Watch people freak out and move out of the way.


I would move

Blondes Vs Brunettes

No comment... well, just one. erm. no, no. Nevermind. :p

Girls' Ages

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

Facts of Life

• I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  
  
  
• Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  
  
  
• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  
  
  
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  
  
  
• There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  
  
  
• Life is sexually transmitted.
  
  
  
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  
  
  
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  
  
  
• Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  
  
  
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  
  
  
• Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  
  
  
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  
  
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  
  
  
• In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  
  
  
• Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
  
  
  
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  

If You Can Read This 2

Ouch :p

If You Can Read This

Sorry, I can't make that out... what does it say? :p