The Rabbit

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...
(Are you ready for this?)




(OK, here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair; adds permanent wave."

Jamaican Accidents

What’s the main reason for motorbike accidents in Jamaica?

Check out the following pictures:










Did you see it?

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Nobody is wearing a helmet!

Chocolate Math

Your Age By Chocolate Math...

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!!!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read. Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things. It is fun!

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (more than once but less than 10)...

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)...

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)...

4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator...

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755...

If you haven't, add 1754...

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born... You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are...

YOUR AGE!!! (OH YES, IT IS!!!)

LOL

Husband Shopping Center

Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.

It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

"First floor"

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

"Second floor"

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?

"Third floor"

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking,
love kids and help with the housework." Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.

"Fourth floor"

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

"Fifth floor"

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please.

>:P >:P >:P hahaha

Voice Mail

God's Voice Mail

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

- - - - -

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)


For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3: 16.


For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.


Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.


The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.


If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.


Thank you and have a heavenly day.

Litter Box Cake

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of Cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining White cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.

Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper.

Enjoy...

... ayayay...


Litter Box Cake

Sampling the Cow

For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

Here's an update for you.....
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

Because women finally realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig.....
Just to get a little sausage.

Male Bathing Suit

The latest in bathing suit fashion for men this season.

Yum, Yum.


HUBBA HUBBA 


WOOO HOOOO 


OH YEAH 

Real Life Formulas

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

* Smart boss + smart employee = profit
* Smart boss + dumb employee = production
* Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
* Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime



SHOPPING MATH

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
* Smart man + smart woman = romance
* Smart man + dumb woman = affair
* Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
* Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



HAPPINESS

* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
* To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.



LONGEVITY

* Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.

Job At HLL

Hot News...,

Hindustan Lever LTD Bangalore has 5 job vacancies in their deo /perfume Plant.

If you're interested, apply to mailto:hrhl@hinlever.com, mailto:420@hinlever.com

The Package:
1. Proposed salary is Net Rs. 32,000/mth,
2. Health benefits
3. 6 hours / day
4. 5 working days / week
5. Transport provided
6. Medical Benefits - Rs. 8500/pm

Conditions:
1. You only need to have a very good sense of smell.
2. Willingness to explore with your nose
*IMP: must See picture(attachement) below before applying*


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